how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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