I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Did I show you my penis last night?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
