are you so shy because you have an std?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
