Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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