Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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