Why does Corona taste like a burp?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
