Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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