its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
