I wish I only lived at night.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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