So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
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1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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