Walk of Shame. In a state park.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
