Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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