my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
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I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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