Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
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It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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