There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am available for nakedness
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
