god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
