The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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