eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
