I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
