I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Are these your boobs on my camera?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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