It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
