i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
