I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
