I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
