im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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