If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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