Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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