i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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