you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
