Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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