i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
