Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
