My first STD was from a foam party
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
