I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
