screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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