she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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