that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
