she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
