Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
