Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
