If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
