i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
