I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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