I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
