You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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