chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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