Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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