I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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