Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
