He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
