My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
