she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
