I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
