Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
