new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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