I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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