omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
