I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
