shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
