Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.