i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here