dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Pants are for mortals
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit