She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
