Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
