Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
