It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
