we're chasing vodka with high fives
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
