They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
